I don’t mind being the submissive wife. I don’t mind cooking and cleaning, speaking softly to my husband, running his bath water and giving him what he likes….it’s when a brother tries to remind me what I should be doing as a woman to fulfull his rights, that I get the constricted feeling in my chest and my head spins and I want to spit rapid fire insults as this brother, that I start to mind.

Do I give lectures on how brother should be behaving? Do I constantly point out the faults of these brothers? Isn’t it said that we should make excuses for the faults of other Muslims?

what comes natural to me as a woman, I don’t need to be reminded of, yet these brothers take pleasure in telling sisters what it is that they should be doing to please our husbands. We know what we should be doing, heck we do our jobs and sometimes theirs.

I can give dozens of hadiths and ayats in the Qu’ran on how brothers SHOULD be acting, but I don’t. Yet it’s like they scower the books to find everything they can to tell a sister just how evil she is acting because she won’t give in to his every whim.

I pray to Allah that I don’t run into one of these brothers, Ya Allah, I can’t handle it!

Okay, so I haven’t posted in a while. I’m in my own world called the world of Sakeenah. Since I last posted, I have managed to loose 5.3 more pounds. So I am officially at 100 pounds lost! I haven’t figured out how to update my weight loss tracker, so there it sits at 193.2. I’m treating myself to popcorn from candyland and x-men wolverine Yea!

I’ve also decided that Insha’Allah I am going to be a personal trainer. I like to workout anyway and I would love to help people(and get paid for it) Insha’Allah all goes well. That would be fantabulous! So, in the next few months, I’m going to look into getting my certification, design workouts and launch a new weightloss site. I’m am so excited!!! Finally something that I am good at.

So, today is Tuesday, my weigh in day for the week. I jumped on the scale just knowing that I had gained something. No matter how good I am and how much I workout, I still try not to get my hopes too high. So, today I get on the scale and whalah 193.4! I am officially down 94.6 pounds! I have less than 20 pounds to get to my goal of 174!

It's a miracle!

I never want to be here again

A lot of people ask me, what made you change? What was it that finally got you to start losing weight? To be honest, I wanted a baby and…. I knew

First things first…I MEASURE EVERYTHING THAT GOES IN MY MOUTH and I measure in grams for extra accuracy. The scale that I use looks like this

This is my bestfriend

I even carry it with me to work and out of town.
I use a digital scale because those of us that are trying to lose weight have the tendency to serve ourselves bigger portions and if you are measuring say…Ice Cream(which I love by the way) then you want to be extra accurate because those calories add up. A digital scale always takes the guess work away from overflowing measuring cups and eyeballing.

I only weigh myself once a week because, I notice if I weigh myself everyday, I will obsess..start to starve myself, or want to give up because the scale is not budging. Plus weighing yourself weekly allows for you to catch yourself if you start to gain weight before you look up and you have 10 extra pounds to lose. I use a scale similar to this

The Dreader

It runs for about $30 dollars at target. It measures my body composition(how much fat I have versus lean tissue), my body fat composition and my hydration level(haven’t found much use for this feature.)

Stay tuned for label reading and food measurement

 

So many would like to make me feel bad that I am a Muslim, like they feel sorry for me…like I’ll burn in internal hellfire, they say they’ll pray for me.  I say, could it be the peace you see on my face when I pray, the flow of my clothes, the sweet smell of my fasting breath or the name of Allah on my lips?  I’m a Muslim eternally, eternal Muslim…that’s me.

 

I spit Qu’ran like a second language, you wonder what I am, I speak English better than you, but still you’re quick to condemn, even flow a little Arabic, can maintain eye contact, won’t let you intimidate me…Allah gave me the Deen, that’s an accomplished fact.

But still you… backbite me and play me cheap, plan to assassinate my character on the creep, show me on your idiot box with false subtitles, snub me and look down on me, like you’re the entitled, take the minds of those that are idle and then proceed to commence your Islam bashing recital.  I say, could it be the peace you see on my face when I pray, the flow of my clothes, the sweet smell of my fasting breath or the name of Allah on my lips?  I’m a Muslim eternally, eternal Muslim…that’s me.

U use terrorist as the first, third and fifth word of every sentence, then mix it with the word Islam…got people nervous when I board a plane, got them thinking I carry a bomb…you got people threatening my life and my livelihood, telling me if I just follow you, it’ll be all good.  You try to tell Muslimah’s they’d be free if they uncover, only for them to discover, that the shield called hijab that Allah blessed them with hides them from the prying eyes of…

Unintelligent men, that don’t care if they offend, sin, yell, “hey girl back that thang up, let me see it again”, don’t respect the sanctity of husband and wife, co-wife-it’s my right, what about the quality of her life?  I bet you’ll respect her when she’s grinding on TV, no wait…she already had your respect when she was covered up.  Hmpf

Do I make you nervous cause I don’t care what you think of me…can’t be controlled by adversaries…magazine models don’t faze me…I’m confident in myself…the fact that I’m covered up and still can turn heads…makes you doubt yourself. 

You’ll never give up because I won’t conform, won’t adhere to what’s considered the, “norm,” You secretly want to be me, infiltrate my Masjid, of my faith you try to rid me… and… you leave….Muslim.

I say, could it be the peace you see on my face when I pray, the flow of my clothes, the sweet smell of my fasting breath or the name of Allah on my lips?  I’m a Muslim eternally, eternal Muslim…that’s me.

© Sakeenah 2009

 

I wanna dress like this.

 

I love this style of dress.  I’ve spent so much time in tent dresses, but now I’m ready to step out and dress with style, sexy, yet classy.  I like the clothes at skukronline, but some of their items are just too  expensive for my taste.

 I’m nervous about ordering clothes from some online places because I don’t know if they are legit.  It doesn’t help that I see Shukr clothes posted on other sites, I’m like..uh is this a scam or do these companies share pictures.

Anyone know of any other reputable sites?

Whining men…

I work on the phones all day and I’ve discovered…no, I’ve reaffirmed what I already knew.  I hate whining men.  I mean, they have the right to complain just like anyone else, but when they start whining in my ear…I immediately shut down.  First off I hate whining period, but when it has some base behind it, UGH!  Why do you have to draaaaaaag your voice when you are speaking?

 

Asking if I am Muslim….

I swear if one more person asks me if I am Muslim, I am going to scream.  I wear oversized jilbabs and a long hijab in 90 degree heat!  And they still have the nerve to ask me if I am Muslim and when I confirm that I am…oh Masha’Allah, like they are the only ones that can be Muslim.???

 

Accents…

I know that Allah made us in different colors and races so that we may get to know one another, but a man that has a heavy accent…is a no go.  I know myself, Ya Allah, I know myself and the minute we get into an argument and I can’t understand him, I’m gonna say some things that I may regret later on.  Don’t get me wrong, some may find a little accent sexy, but I am not one of those women and I don’t know why I am this way…I just am…I’ve tried to get past it to no avail.

 

People acting funny when I mention Allah…

Okay, I know that I live in a Christian country…its okay, and I have no desire to emigrate elsewhere…but my goodness.  People can, “Thank you Jesus, Praise Jesus, I rebuke you in the name of Jesus, but when I say Ya Allah, folks necks snapped around, their eyes bug out and I swear, I see steam flowing out of their ears..  I mean, they immediately shut down and proceed to ostracize me. 

 

People that whine about losing weight….

If you are whining about losing weight while ordering, Chinese, burgers, fries, fried chicken or any other food that TASTE LIKE JENNAH BUT IS BAD FOR YOU, I have no sympathy for you.  Some would say, but sensitive…I am sensitive, I’ve spent ALL of my life being overweight!  Everything that they tell you about losing weight is true.  Cut down on the bad foods, don’t deny yourself anything, just eat it in moderation and workout.  It actually works.

 

Okay, I’m done ranting…what are your pet peeves?

 

 

I wouldn’t nessacarily say that I am cheap..I would say that I am extremely thrifty.  I  just don’t believe in living check to check..I can’t do it.  There was once a  time when I couldn’t afford a .99 cent bottle of juice and potatoes were a luxury!  Now Allah swt has blessed me with a nice job and a nice place to live..I don’t want to go back to living in the hood and eating beans and rice EVERYDAY for dinner..is that a bad thing?

Right now I need clothes in the worst way, but I am too cheap to buy them.  I have the money, but when it’s time to buy the clothes, I end up talking myself out of it.  My dad said, “Why are you being so cheap, man I’ve never been cheap with my own self.”  Which leads me to start asking myself…why am I so cheap?

1. I hate struggle especially when it comes to money

I often ask myself what are you saving for?  What are you waiting for?  To die so someone else can spend your money and have the fun with it that you should have had?  I guess I have to find a balance.

2. When I want to buy something major…I don’t want a payment plan

Being Muslim, I can’t deal with interest in anyway, so everything has to be paid for up front!  It’s not a bad way to live, in fact I prefer it, so I have to save up to make large purchases, the bad thing is, once I see all of the money that I saved up for a particular item, I no longer want to spend it…hopeless case.

3. Why pay full price, when it’s going to go on sale anyway?

I believe in bargain hunting.  I hate to pay full price for anything and I am not afraid to walk away from something that I really want because eventually it’s going to go on sale and if it doesn’t?  Guess that means I wasn’t supposed to have it.

I’ve seen so much struggle in my 20 something odd years and that is not a place that I want to be in.  I don’t want to feel like I HAVE to work to maintain my lifestyle, I mean I have to work, but you know what I mean.  Some people get themselves into so much debt and then they can’t dig themselves out..trust I know.  I just want to pay my rent, internet, electricity and my cellphone bill and that is it!  I don’t need a car payment, a mortgage, credit card bill..ect.

This post has made me realize that I need to take care of myself afterall, if I don’t do it, then who else will?  Which is precisely why, I just bought myself an exercise bike and I will be purchasing the outfit that I posted earlier, even if it cost $100.  Money is made to be spent.  So I’ll spend a little and save a little and see where that takes me.

Riding the bus

Like many, I commute to work on the bus and also like many, I HATE IT!  Don’t get me wrong, I feel extremely blessed to have my bus pass from my job at a 60% discounted rate, but sometimes I feel like the money that it saves is just not worth it.

Maybe I am getting old or maybe it’s just me but I honestly cannot stand the teenagers that ride on the bus in the afternoons.  The mornings are fine because I go in early and no one is one the bus.  I swear, my ears be on fire.  Yesterday some young girl was talking about performing horrible acts with a baby!!  And she was LOUD about it, even her friends were telling her to shut up and the poor bus driver didn’t say anything cause teenagers today do have any respect for growups and she probably would have started in on him.  I love my people, but sometimes they embarrass me.

I wonder if I am just uppity?  Nah, that can’t be it..there is such thing as ghetto and I tend to run into a lot of people that are ghetto on the bus.  Why act a fool when you are out in public..don’t you know that it would embarrass your parents….or do they act just like you?  Ya Allah! 

Please…please don’t let them be black!

If you are black, then you know just what I am talking about.  How many of us are watching the news and we hear about 2 men robbing someone and we silently say…please…please don’t let them be black?  I find myself uttering this phrase more often these days.  I want to shake black people and say..don’t you see that folks are waiting for you to mess up…they believe we are all bad, why?  Because we don’t show them anything but our butt(A different word comes to mind)  Take a few ghetto black people, a camera and a news station  and all of a sudden all possitive strides that we have made as a race no longer counts.  When do I utter this phrase…hmmm

~This just in….two masked gun men robbed a lady in Edina, put her in the trunk and told her if her pin number was wrong, they would be back to kill her..Please…please don’t let them be black

~There was a shooting at Southdale mall this evening and police have no one is custody..Let me add that THERE IS NO CRIME IN EDINA!! The police are so bored that they sit on the main street and try to catch people speeding to brighten up their day!..Please…please don’t let them be black

~A bus driver was assaulted on the #5 bus…need I say more…Please…please don’t let them be black

~Police raided a house on the 3400 block of(pick any Ave) and confiscated 20 pounds of.. marijuana, crack or cocaine…Please…please don’t let them be black…Heroin, ecstacy, meth…nah, that’s not us, LOL!

~When you hear someone getting loud on the bus and they won’t shut up…Please..please don’t let them be black.  Unfortunantly my people love to be loud on the bus and on the back of the bus at that…Did Rosa parks waste her time, should she have given up her seat and sat in the back?

Anyone have any scenarios to add?

Do I sound black on the phone?

I often ask my co-worker if there is a difference between the way that black people and white people talk.  I believe that there may be a difference in our tone, but not nessacarily in the way that we talk.  NOW, there are some that just BUTCHER the english language, so much so that I cringe when I talk to them.  If you work in a office setting and especially if you work on the phones, there is a difference between how you sound at home and how you sound in the workplace.  I’ve only been fooled 3 times in my lifetime when I tried to guess if the person that I was talking to on the phone was white or black.  When at work, I’m very proper..at home I’m still proper, but a little more laid back…I just hate that ghettofied way that some people talk over the phone, they don’t finish all of the letters in the word…they got music blasting in the background…they are talking to everyone else except me…and THEY CALLED ME!  I talk in a pleasant but firm voice over the phone because I don’t like people droning on and on and on in my ear at work(I work customer service)  and I often get asked are you black?  My name gives you the sense that I am African American, but you can’t tell when you talk to me over the phone…I cringe and want to say no because as soon as I confirm it….Girl, don’t you know that dude and oh s%## and all that other ghettofied talk and my mind is swirling cause I don’t understand half of the words that they are using…it’s a whole different language!

~I hate to clean up, but since my mother raised me right, I do it…unwillingly

~I am a exercise addict

~I’m depressed right now..all I want to do it sit on my couch and watch tv (hey at least I can admit it)

~I could never marry a man with an accent..I don’t know why, but I actually can’t stand the thought.  Maybe it has something to do with me tuning out anything that I can not understand.

~I’d never marry a broke man..He has to bring equal to the table or better…being broke is a deal breaker.

~I could do my job in my sleep and I have fantasies of never going back..but my lifestyle is FAB U LOUS…I guess I can bear it.

~I don’t shake hands with men…or women…NOPE!!  I’ve seen too many woman flush and walk right past the sink out of the bathroom.

~I’m an introvert and I have no desire to change. 

~I like to study people…which is where being introverted comes in handy, people think I’m being shy, but I’m actually studying them.

~I believe that there are some people on this earth that are just taking up space..they have no purpose

~I’m scared to have children..because I don’t want to gain my weight back

~Sometime I don’t want to ask Allah for anything because he has already blessed me in abundance.

~I don’t hate my ex-husband, but sometimes I have the urge to slap the ISH out of him.

~I pulled a Zion with the ex-hubby’s things.  I gave it all away and donated it to charity…I hope he didn’t want all of those expensive tools…OH WELL..I’m not a storage facility.

~I’m really lonely right now, but because I’m not one of those sisters that will marry just to say that I am married…I’m waiting on Allah…I’m so specific that I think Allah has to create him from scratch.

~The more that I am around my people…the more I’m starting to believe the stereotypes that people believe about some black people.